Doctor Gruber and the Dockta Facockta Story

1995

Written 09/06/2016 * 643 Words

Howard Yasgar

Dr. Samuel Gruber is a famous South Florida shark Biologist.

He is a professor at the University of Miami’s Rosenstiel School for marine and atmospheric science, and he holds a PH D and other degrees in marine science.

Doctor Gruber is also the founder of the Biologic Field Station Foundation located on the island of Bimini in the Bahamas.

At the Bimini Field Station, professors from all over the world come to study Lemon sharks with Dr. Gruber.

In 2008, Dr. Gruber appeared many times on the History channel’s documentary series about sharks.

When it came to Lemon Sharks, Dr. Gruber was considered the world’s foremost authority.

My Wife and I had the good fortune to meet and become friends with Dr. Gruber. It happened because we were friends with Richard Schneider.

Richard Schneider was in the marine and boating business, and whenever he had free time, he would assist Dr. Gruber in provisioning the Bimini Shark Institute.

All the food for the institute had to be transported 50 miles from Miami to the island of Bimini by boat.

My friend Richard would always help Dr. Gruber whenever he could, he did it by making the trip back and forth from Miami to Bimini by boat.

On many occasions Richard and Dr. Gruber would arrive in Bimini late in the afternoon. So, Richard would stay overnight at the institute.

Richard told me that he always enjoyed staying overnight at the institute. He said there was only one thing he didn’t like about it.

At supper time, all the visitors, who were professors coming from all over the world, were all introduced to each other as Doctor So and So.

Dr. Gruber did that because every evening they all sat down for supper. Dr. Gruber would always make the introductions so everyone at the institute knew who was sitting at the table.

Most of the visitors were Professors or biologists that held Doctorate degrees. So, Dr. Gruber would introduce each as doctors.

He did it because as he went around the table, most of the visitors all held doctorate degrees.

That was until he got to Richard, who he would introduce only as “My friend Richard Schneider”.

Richard lamented that he felt insignificant in the presence of so many highly educated people with Doctorate degrees, and Richard had no degree in anything.

I had remembered watching the Sid Caesar show on television many years ago where Sid Caesar, had made believe he was speaking German and introduced himself in a skit as “Dockta Facockta”, In Yiddish Facockta means something that is pretty crappy.

I suggested to Richard that he tell Dr. Sonny Gruber that the next time he was making introductions at the shark institute, he should introduce Richard as Dockta Facockta, but I don’t think Richard liked my idea too much, he thought calling himself Dockta Facocta was very degrading.

Several months later, on a summer evening, Richard was delivering a racing boat from Miami to Fort Lauderdale. My wife Katherine and I and Doctor Gruber were waiting for Richard to arrive at the marina. We were all going to a seafood restaurant once Richard arrived.

It was a dark evening and we were afraid Richard had gotten lost, so Doctor Gruber called Richard on his cell phone. I took the phone and I said Dockta Facockta where are you?

Doctor Gruber’s eyed got big, and he said, who is this

Dockta Facockta?

I said that’s the name I gave to Richard so, you can introduce him at the Shark Institute as Dockta Facocta

Doctor Gruber was silent for a moment, then he looked at me, and he said, “No Way, I want to be Dockta Facockta.